When You Feel Defective as a Woman – Part 2
In continuation of my last post, I attended a women’s conference where the Holy Spirit spoke powerfully to me concerning my identity. I tend to leave women’s events feeling out of place. I am not one for frills and do not typically like what many women get excited about.
In believing there is something wrong with my femininity, my sense of feeling like I don’t belong has always been heightened when I attend women’s events. It doesn’t matter if I’m attending the event or if I’m the one leading it. Those nagging thoughts I mentioned in my last post start to get very loud when I’m around groups of women.
“I’m different than most women. Why don’t I enjoy what most of them seem to enjoy? There’s something wrong with me. I feel like I am missing a piece of my femininity. It’s just not there.”
The Holy Spirit showed me something so powerful at the conference that will change how I see myself forever. The Holy Spirit gave me an incredible picture. It was as if I was seeing myself dancing from God’s point of view, not my own.
I was in a long white dress that was very simple but eloquent. I saw my hair, which was not put up but left down. I saw myself with a small tiara on that was pretty but not overboard fancy. Then I saw the shoes I was wearing and they were white sandals with a delicate sequence lining.
I was wearing sandals! (Not high heels. Woo hoo!)
The sandals I was wearing were nice and something I would like. They were “me”. At this point, I started to cry. This wasn’t a scene I was conjuring up in my imagination anymore, but something he Holy Spirit was showing me.
He was revealing to me that He knows who I am, He knows what I like, and He likes who I am.
He created me. He knows I don’t like all of the frilly stuff, and for the first time I saw that God is totally ok with that.
This revelation was so powerful for me, because it enabled me to see myself as He sees me. God does not expect me to be like “all of the other women”. He wants me to be who He created me to be. I saw Him looking at me as beautiful for who I am right now, not who I think I’m supposed to be.
I felt more loved and accepted by God in those few moments than I ever have. In this picture He showed me, He was looking at me with such love and acceptance. I was dressed the way I’d imagine I would want to be dressed if I was dancing with Jesus. He wasn’t saying, “Too bad you aren’t wearing heels.” I know that sounds funny, but it meant so much to me. If any of you can relate to me in this area, you will totally get that! 🙂
God loves you so very much! He doesn’t see you the way you see yourself. He’s not looking at you thinking, “I would love her so much more if _____.” He is not looking at you in disappointment in how you turned out. He sees and knows the true you. This world has a way of scarring our identity and causing so many wounds in our hearts. Focus on Him. There is no condemnation coming from Him. He knows the “real” you even more than you do, because He created you.
He sees you as He created you to be, and you are beautiful.
Father God, I pray that you give every woman who reads this a revelation of how you see them. I pray for a greater revelation of your love for each one of them. I thank you that you see us so much differently than we see ourselves. When your eyes gaze upon us, you are not disappointed. We are your bride, and you want to be in an eternal relationship with us. You don’t want us to hide in shame and fear anymore. For every woman who reads this, I command all shackles of fear, shame and condemnation to fall off of them, in Jesus’ name. Fill them up with your love. Father God, I pray that we all see this and are able to see who you created us to be. Thank you, Father. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
Thank you Amy, for sharing and being real. This post means a lot to me. I constantly struggle with what I see instead of what God sees. God bless you my friend.