Shame.
Every once in a while it sneaks up on me again out of nowhere. The other morning was one of those times. I had coffee with a friend who designed my book cover, and I had a copy of the book with me to give her. I tried to pay for her coffee, but she instead tried to pay for mine. Without thinking, I promptly said to the woman behind the counter that my friend put together my book cover for me so the least I could do was buy her coffee.
(I wasn’t thinking about what would most likely happen after I said that.)
As I paid for our coffees, the woman behind the counter asked me what my book was about.
My heart sank.
Suddenly I wished I could just lie and say I wrote a book about gardening or something like that.
You see, when someone asks me what I write about, I know they never anticipate the answer I will have. It’s usually pretty awkward. My friend jumped in and held up my book as the woman started reading the title and subtitle out loud.
“All of You”, she said. “Hope and Healing for Women Seeking Freedom from Sexual Strongholds”.
My heart sank even further as I waited for her reaction to what she just unexpectedly said out loud.
That old voice of shame that always told me I was a freak and that I was different than every other woman on the face of the earth started screaming at me once again.
I just waited for her reaction.
It was the longest 2 seconds of my life.
She quickly said, “Wow, and you’re Amy?” as she pointed to the cover. I told her, yes, and she smiled and congratulated me as she handed us our coffee.
That was it.
I’m so glad that I didn’t make a dumb joke out of nervousness because I almost did.
The thing is, shame lies. It can come barreling out of nowhere and will smother us if we let it.
My friend is not ashamed of me or my book. She was there when God healed me layer by layer. Most importantly, God is not at all ashamed of me.
As I have been saying often lately, He wants all of you.
I just reminded myself the other day that He wants all of me, too.
